A while back, I heard something I couldn’t unknow. I tried to forget and I couldn’t. It was burnt into my soul. I decided to turn it into rocket fuel.
It was just a sentence, yet, I swear the world stopped turning.
Before I share it, stop doing anything else.
If you don’t have space, come back. It’s that important.
Want to know what the definition of hell is?
It’s meeting the Woman you were destined to become.
If only you had allowed yourself to.
Take 10 seconds to breathe it in.
Can you even imagine that?
Looking directly into the eyes of THAT Woman and seeing what you could have become?
The thought of it has me very uncomfortable indeed.
The moment I heard it, I could feel its imprint on me. Burning with truth.
I already knew I was playing small.
I decided to keep playing with it in my mind as an idea and it started to reveal all kinds of things to me.
I was open, if a little blind-sided, by what happened next.
I was sharing the definition with one of my clients and all of a sudden, a word stood out. Like it had neon lights.
How had I missed that?
The definition of Hell is meeting the woman you were DESTINED to become.
Like I was born on this crazy blue green planet hurtling through all time and space with a mission?
I had a destiny.
I was built specifically for this.
For greatness, for a journey, for a wild precious life experience. For something.
I already knew it wasn’t to have a tidy house and an empty inbox….
Imagine the most incredible state of the art stunning boat, fully equipped to stand the demands of the wild oceans, to go on adventures, to play with dolphins and discover new things never yet even seen before. A thing of beauty, grace, resilience, strength.
That was me.
Except I decided to keep her moored in the harbour. So she was safe, secure and in control. So she couldn’t get dirty.
She did venture out sometimes of course. On day trips. Only with those that were trusted to travel with her though. Had fun. And then came back to certainty and what she knew.
It was a great life. Except not the one she was DESTINED or BUILT FOR. Because boats are made for the sea. Not for mooring and admiring.
And then my mind had a bit of fun. Seeking an opt out. It tried to make it all about the mission.
“What if you didn’t know your mission, what then? Surely that’s like setting off with no idea where you’re going?”
Nice one. No.
Missions aren’t a set thing. They are CREATED. It’s a voyage of DISCOVERY.
They unfold as you take a step and then another and another. Like the yellow brick road. It’s always there, you just can’t see the destination. You just know it’s going somewhere. All you have to do is put those red shoes on and click your heels…
Which is what makes them so curious, fun, scary and everything in between.
It’s wanting to KNOW that has us precisely in the way.
That way we can pretend that we will set off once we’ve worked out all. Which of course, we never do. We don’t even reach for the shoes.
What if we tried something else?
What if we just decided to fall in love with the DISCOVERY part instead of the destination?
To go ALL IN with getting started, knowing that doing that meant we would create the rest.
Anything else will have you where you are now. Tracking where the back door and emergency exits are.
One of the incredible gifts we have as women is our knowing. Let’s call it intuition. We pretend that we don’t know and let me be clear right now, so often that’s a crock of shit (I don’t do sweary so know this is important).
“I don’t know” is our Kryptonite.
It gives us a green light to sit down. At the side of our own lives. We don’t always mean to do it for so long. We do sit it out nonetheless. Thinking, “when I know what, how, who with, how, I’ll find the money, resources, time. And THEN I’ll start it.”
Alternatively, we admit that we do know and then immediately start the; “BUT it will be…. hard, scary, challenging. I might be wrong, not good enough, exposed”.
Imagine saying that to your destiny when you met her.
“I did kinda know I could be doing more but I listened to this tiny voice in my head and well you know, (tilting your head… looking down at the floor…) also, my inbox. There were so many things on the list. … And, erm, well, I always intended to start. I just didn’t.”
Let’s not do that.
Let’s just decide to start.
Because when we do THAT we make it EASY. And when we do easy, we achieve and we all love THAT feeling.
Small consistent bold steps. They create a powerful thing called momentum. Momentum creates energy, propels you forward, takes you where you’re meant to go.
There’s so many ways to start.
Last year I watched teary eyed as 50,000 participated in The Great North Run. Many running for charities, to celebrate recovery, to remember someone. And the voice was there; “you can do that”.
“Me? I don’t run.”
“Can you put one foot in front of another? Yep. Then you can. Go make your Mummy Bear proud and say thank you to those nurses.”
Er ok. Amazon. Shoes.
Did I focus on 13.4miles?
No, I simply said I’m going run a marathon with ease and grace. (The number made me feel queasy). – Then knowing I was an obliger (more on that here) I decided that I’d get someone to help me break it down into tiny easy steps and I’d just focus on one of them at a time. That’s it.
I committed to showing up whether I wanted to or not. Day in day out.
As I type this, my schedule says I’ll be running over 30 miles this week. How did that happen? Because I started and just kept going.
Am I destined to be a half marathon runner? Seems in just setting off, I already am. Boom. that’s IT.
Before you go saying. “oh Nic, that’s so you. Me? You don’t know my back story, I can’t be one of THOSE people.”
I’m reaching for my bullshit button again.
Yes you can.
We were up close with Michelle Obama recently. She’s a remarkable woman. Smart, funny, big hearted, straight. You get a sense that what you see is what you get. In that hour it became clear she shows up as she is.
It would be easy for us to put her on a pedestal and say “oh I’m not remarkable like her, look what she’s achieved”.
Let me share this with you.
She was super clear; there was nothing in her life when she was growing up that indicated her trajectory was to become a First Lady in the White House. The First Lady to the first black president of the United States of America.
She came from an average family. Not much money, big on values of truth, authenticity, goodness and showing up to make a difference.
She didn’t KNOW she was going to be First Lady. She didn’t even know she was destined for greatness.
She did know there were things in the world that didn’t make any sense, that she felt passionate about, that made her feel alive.
She started there.
She believed that education would open doors for her in a way that her own skin colour might not. She was already tired at a young age of listening to others who pretended they knew best when actually they just talked louder. She wanted to find a way to bring her own voice into the world. To be heard.
She trained to be a Lawyer believing that was a way she could bring about change.
She surrounded herself with people who inspired her.
People who spoke from their heart, had passion running through their veins, People who set the bar high, looking inside themselves for what could be achieved, rather than settling for a dulled down version of status quo.
She CREATED from that.
Drawing more and more insight, her purpose and missions started to reveal themselves. She could see the paths that had more light in them. Some less so. And she made choices. That’s it.
She still didn’t know she was going to the White House. She just didn’t sit on the bench.
Is that where I’ll find you?
Full of hopes, dreams, ideas?
Full of passioned opinions of what should be different or endless excuses as to why it can’t be you that plays a role in changing it?
Addicted to busy, on low level Doing that means you don’t have “time” to truly do or Be anything?
Then let me just leave you with this;
Imagine if it’s true, that definition of Hell.
That one day you will indeed meet that Woman and will stand toe to toe gazing at each other.
Knowing you walked every single twist and turn together. That in every moment she was trying to guide you. To make it easy.
That internally she was calling you again and again.
Whispering in your ear. Sometimes shouting in frustration.
Sometimes giving you that deep knowing feeling about that relationship, that job, that dream.
Knowing that you tuned her out. Played safe. Got in your own way.
Imagine seeing EXACTLY what you were destined to be.
A First Lady.
A world leader.
A woman who changed the whole legacy of her entire family by deciding “this story stops here”.
A woman who simply decided to make every day count. And see what happened.
You won’t know until you start.
What’s the one thing you could do TODAY that would have you live into your truth?
It might be to as simple as choosing left instead of right.
It might be showing up for someone as if it was your very last conversation ever. Choosing that over anything else that “needs done”.
It might be making a decision you’ve been putting off.
It might be recognising in this moment that you’ve been coasting. For years. And standing up.
Either way, I know you know.
My highest desire for us, is that when we meet ourselves, we run to meet them.
Full of excitement, joy and pure delight. That we are full of love and deep knowing. That we high five and say “Girl, we freaking rocked it”.
COME ON; we’ve got work to do.
The world needs us.